Holiday Cheer
by FlopsyOllie
Summary: A Sellie Christmas story. Happy... not Holidays! :


**Holiday Cheer**

_Takes place sometime during the period when Sean and Ellie were dating. I don't think they were ever actually together on a Christmas, but lets all use our imaginations and pretend!_

_And yes, I know this is terribly out of season. It's nowhere near Christmas. I have no idea what inspired me, but oh well. Enjoy._

_- // -_

The snow fell softly outside the picture windows. It was white and pure. From the warmth of the living room, it didn't even look very cold. In fact, compared to the scene in front of her, running outside into the snow and losing herself looked very appealing to Ellie. December 24 had always been a day she looked forward to, but not this year.

There were no stockings hung by the fireplace, no Christmas Eve dinner, no family crowding every square inch of the house. It was just Ellie, her mother, and a bottle of Christmas wine and eggnog. They had a Christmas tree, but it wasn't decorated. No one had bothered once they found out that Gregory Nash would not be coming home for the holidays. When the news came, Judy parked herself on the couch again, in reach of the alcohol, while Ellie was left to fend for herself.

Her father had promised to call on Christmas Eve. So far, nothing. For some reason, she had a feeling the phone wouldn't be ringing.

She thought it would be like before. She had been looking forward to it. Before, years ago, a few months after they had relocated to Toronto, her father had still been home. Her mother had sobered up, as long as he was around. They were a family. There was a real Christmas tree with presents underneath, a fancy dinner, and they even sang a few cheesy carols. That Christmas had been one of the best she could remember. At the rate things were going, she'd never have another Christmas like that again.

It wasn't very late, but her mother was already drunk and stuttering along about something or other. Ellie had ordered herself a pizza for dinner, and would probably eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner the next day just to get rid of it. Standing in a house lacking Christmas spirit and love made her depressed. Aside from the tree, nothing was different, and even that could pass as an overgrown potted plant. The atmosphere, along with the sound of bottles clinking in the background, made her start snapping her rubber bands. As a distraction, Ellie decided to log onto the computer and check her email. If her father hadn't called, maybe he had emailed her… Sure enough, there was a message.

_Subj: Merry Christmas_

_From: "Dad" _

_To: "Ellie Nash" _

_December 20_

_Hi sweetie. I hope you're having a nice break from school. I'm sorry I couldn't come home. I'm just as disappointed as you are. Have fun exchanging presents without me! I got your gift box in the mail, thanks so much! Did you get my presents yet?_

_I'm emailing you now because we're moving base tomorrow. I don't know if I'll be able to call on Christmas, since it's hard to find connection out here. If I don't get a chance to talk to you, I just want you to know that I love both you and your mother very much! Make sure you take good care of her, Elly-Bell. I'm counting on you!_

_Love, your dad_

For some reason, his email made her feel even more depressed. He hadn't called because he was somewhere he couldn't. Somewhere dangerous, probably. What if he was being hurt right now?

The last lines of his letter made her want to write right back to him. She wanted to scream, and tell him not to count on her because she wasn't good enough. How her mother was drinking again and she cut herself because she couldn't do anything right. But Ellie could never tell him those things. There was no way he could come home. He was counting on her. Why disappoint one more person right away?

She shut the computer off, heading into the living room one more time.

"Dad emailed me. He said he loves us."

Her mother stared straight ahead, taking gulps from the wine bottle, "Don't get so excited. It's part of his script."

"Mom--"

"How could you believe him? He wouldn't even come home for us!"

"He's in the service, Mom. He can't--"

"Don't talk back to me," she said, though it didn't sound threatening at all. Still, Ellie obeyed. As her mother took another swig from the bottle, she slowly walked away.

"Merry Christmas," she whispered, before heading down the hallway.

She shut the door to her room quietly. After changing into her pajamas, she sat down and tried to start some of her Christmas break homework. It wasn't any use. She couldn't help thinking how she was failing her father, how she was lying to everyone.

Ellie fished her CD case out from underneath her bed. The pink razor called to her as she picked it up and twirled it in between her fingers. The blades were still sharp. It would be easy.

Sean told her to call him whenever she felt like this. But at this point, it was almost midnight. She couldn't call him now.

As the cool metal pressed into her skin, the entire world seemed to quiet down. Everything was as silent as the snowfall outside. For a moment, she felt some peace. When she put the razor down, a smooth line of red bubbled and slid down the side of her arm. She didn't care. At least she could succeed at this, at bleeding. At least she could control this.

Afterwards, she just sat for a while, watching the blood drip. The air on the open wound stung, but it wasn't as bad as her churning insides. It wasn't as bad as an empty house on a winter night.

She bandaged her arm, still throbbing, and crawled into bed. In the dark, the neon glow of the clock read 12:07. She turned away from it, facing the wall.

"Merry Christmas," she whispered once again, this time to herself. Her mother's sobs and clinking of bottles echoed through the house. Ellie didn't fall asleep for a long time.

- // -

The next morning, she was awoken to the sound of her cell phone ringing. She groped around on her bedside table, bringing the device underneath the covers with her. She noted, annoyed, that it wasn't even six thirty.

"Hello?"

"Hey! Merry Christmas!" well, if she had to be woken up this early by someone, Sean Cameron certainly would be at the top of the list.

"Merry Christmas," Ellie smiled, poking her head out of her cave. The world in her window had been bleached white. No one was outside; everyone was with their families opening presents. Thinking about the lack of joy outside her room sent another pang through her. Instead of dwelling on it, she yawned into the phone.

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry," Sean apologized.

"It's okay. Why, exactly, are you calling so early?"

"It's Christmas, Ellie! You know how Tracker's visiting. He wanted to open presents, but I said we should wait because I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come over with us. Unless you're doing something with your family--"

"No. I'd love to open presents with you guys. But aren't you a little old to be so excited? I stopped waking up at six for holidays when I was eleven."

"You're never too old for Christmas! And for the record, I've been awake since five," he laughed. She supposed having two alcoholic parents, Christmas had never been much for him. At least she had her father, and when he hadn't been in a foreign country, some of their holidays had turned out nice. Fun, even, "I'll come pick you up."

"Okay. See you in a bit."

Ellie hopped out of bed, giddy at the thought of being able to see her boyfriend. Spending Christmas with he and Tracker would be much better than spending it with her mother. She quickly took a shower and dressed, grabbing their presents where she had stashed them a week ago. She carefully tucked her razor from the night before back into her CD case, shoving it underneath the bed. When the doorbell ran, she made sure her arms were fully covered before opening the door.

"Hi," she smiled. Sean kissed her on the cheek as he came inside. He waited for her while she put on her jacket and boots.

"This place is certainly festive," he commented, looking around the room. Of course, he noticed her mother passed out on the couch.

"Yeah. No one felt much like decorating. My dad couldn't make it back…"

"Did you have a nice night alone, then?"

"I wasn't--"

He gestured towards the lump on the sofa, "She looks like a lot of company."

Ellie frowned, "Can we please not talk about this?" she took his silence as an agreement as they stepped outside into the crisp air.

"Did you sleep okay last night?" he asked, taking her hand in his, "You look tired."

"Do I ever get a good night's sleep there?" she asked dryly. Seeing the concern on his face, she tried to smile, "I got an email from my dad last night, my mom was drunk… there wasn't much holiday spirit."

"You could've called."

"It was late before… anything got too bad. I didn't want to bother you."

"Ellie… you didn't cut, did you?"

She looked away from him. How was it that she could lie so easily to everyone else, but never him?

"I told you, whenever you feel like that, you should call me!"

"Like I said, it was late."

"It doesn't matter," softly, he turned her face so she was looking at him, "Whenever you need me, just say it. I don't care if it's three in the morning and you're on the other side of the world. I'll be there."

She couldn't help smiling as his face held her hands, "Thanks."

"That's what I'm here for," he leaned in and gently kissed her lips.

As they continued walking, she forgot about the cut on her arm. She forgot about her mother at home, hungover and probably heaving into the toilet. She even forgot about her father, celebrating Christmas somewhere far away with his own family of soldiers. All she thought about was the love she was feeling right now.

Maybe she didn't have a blood family to celebrate with. But she did have Sean. She would always have Sean. He was all she ever needed.

Maybe this Christmas wouldn't be so bad after all.

- // -

_Ummm... Happy back to school? It's not really any holiday.... hmmm_


End file.
